Her Twenties

PSA: This picture was taken circa of Christmas 2000. I was two and looking at my 6 month old brother. Moving on!

There’s always something different about the holiday season. People get nicer, happier even. You see the generous and selfless side of people and it’s infectious. It’s almost like living in a different realm of reality. 

As a kid, my older cousin would take my brother and I to the extravagant neighborhoods in Seaside and drive around to see all the Christmas lights and decorations. As simple as that is, it was my favorite thing to do during the holidays.

Being an adult and experiencing holidays as one, isn’t as fun as it once was, but that comes with the territory of getting older. You aren’t as naïve about your family and your childlike wonder is somewhere hidden deep down. Complicated family dynamic intertwined with strong and completely different personalities can make anyone feel like they’re walking on eggshells during the holiday season. 

For the past couple of years, I wasn’t happy about the holidays at all. My parents got divorced when I was 19 and it hasn’t been the same since. It’s difficult to be in the holiday spirit when you’re spending the holidays separated from your family. It still sucks but it’s getting easier with each passing year.

This year I’d rather skip the whole thing than to live through it. My head is not in the right mindset to act differently or to be nice while getting the question, “so, do you have a special boy in your life?” or even better, “congrats on your bachelor’s degree! What are you going to do with it? Any job offers?” Like they would care if they weren’t stuck in a small house with me for a couple of hours. So, you could say I’m not loving the whole idea of it this year. Since I’ve been struggling mentally it has been extremely hard to put on a big smile and fake it (till I make it). 

I’m REALLY trying NOT to be a negative Nancy about it, but I keep on catching myself being pessimistic. So, as hard as it is (me being stubborn and not wanting to do this at all) I’m going to list 30 things that I’m thankful for and what makes me happy. Don’t judge how ridiculous my list is going to be, I’m going through something. 

• (First and foremost) Eleanor, my beautiful little niece and nugget.
• A roof over my head and a place to stay.
• Having the means to have Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• My friends.
• Chocolate, more importantly, peanut m&m’s.
• Going to therapy.
• Books.
• Music.
• My water bottle.
• My new Nike sweatshirt.
• The beach to escape too.
• My stuffed animal, Earnie.
• My room.
• Cozy sweaters and hot chocolate.
• Burrito Del Sol.
• Living closer to my brother.
• Watching my niece grow up.
• My friends coming back home for the holidays.
• An outlet to be to creative.
• Very nice people who talk to you in the line at Target.
• Candles.
• A bunch of blankets and pillows.
• Going to new places.
• Movie nights.
• COOKIE DOUGH.
• No snow!! (i didn’t like it like i thought i would, i’m sorry).
• A sunny day.
• Christmas lights =).
• Learning new things.
• Elf (the only Christmas movie I like and will watch).
• & LAST BUT NOT LEAST AT ALL; The 10-minute version of All Too Well.

As stupid as it might be making that list did put me in better spirits. Honestly the holiday season is tough to get through for me for a lot of reasons. I know it’s not perfect for anyone either, so if you’re dreading Thanksgiving and/or Christmas try to make a small list that brings a smile to your face.

My therapist told me to keep things in my “emotional tool box” that will help me block out any negative feelings that come from dealing with difficult and uncomfortable situations. That way I won’t have a bad experience because of my atmosphere and the people around me.

I hope everyone can see at least one good thing coming from the months of November and December. Be strong and don’t let your petty family members get in the way of your happiness and your experience. As hard as it is (trust me i KNOWW how hard it is) love your family for who they are and not who you wish they were. *it helps when wine is involved!*

Sending all the love, good vibes, and prayer to each family this season!! we will all get through it and embark the new journey that is to come in 2022!!!! (crazy how that’s a real year). rooting for you all!!!!

all the love,

Abigail Joshlyn