Her Twenties

I’ve been debating whether or not I should write about my situation for a while now. There are pros and cons to this thing, right? By being honest and vulnerable about what’s going on in your life. It gives me a whole new level of respect for artists who pour their heart in a song, painting, or their writing and give it to the world to have. But that leads to a toxic reality that brings unwanted criticism, assumptions, and judgements upon you. Which is not my point, but whatever.

When I get insecure or think too deep about posting something on social media, I pretend that no one will actually pay too much attention to it. I just assume when I post an Instagram or Snapchat video no one really watches it or when I post a new blog post I don’t think anyone will take their time to actually read it. I couldn’t tell you if that’s a reflection of how I see my worth or importance in this world; or that I recognize how much media we take in one day and everyone can’t remember everything they’ve seen, liked, or read. Maybe it’s both.

So for the sake of no one really reading this, I’ll tell you what I’ve been dealing with.

My position was terminated at the company I worked at the end of February. I lost my job and for a person who never really thought that they would be let go from anything, you could say it was a bit of a culture shock. I left my work that day feeling humiliated, ashamed, and fearful. My ego took a huge hit that day. I didn’t even know I had an ego until I was let go. & that’s on putting your worth in your job, but that’s a whole other thing.

So, I went into my 24th year unemployed waiting for a few call backs from the places I interviewed with for a “big girl job”. I was getting really annoyed about not working because I’ve always worked and I like being busy, so I decided to apply for a serving job. Might as well make money as a server for the summer while I wait for the right oppurtunity to come up.

Since being let go, I started watching One Tree Hill (which is amazing by the way – totally cheesy in every way possible but somehow it just captures your heart). It’s taught me many lessons but one that really resonated with me was when Peyton’s father said, “It’s not about what he does but who he is as a person.” (for context, Peyton was going out with Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy & Brooke was like “she has to go out with him, it’s PETE WENTZ” then Peyton’s father stepped in with that bomb ass advice) It made me realize that it didn’t really matter if I was working an office job or if I was serving. My job does not reflect who I am as a person.

Living in the United States, we put a lot of power in what we do as a living. Doctors, lawyers, and professors are respected but not people who work in a factory, restaurant, or clothing store. The jobs that are a necessity for this society are looked down upon because of what? Because they don’t have a degree and they have to do physical labor? Well, hopefully we as a country will start to catch onto the idea that getting a degree does not make you a better person than the people who don’t.

So, if you’re stuck like me, having a irrelevant job to your degree a year after graduating college just remember… It’s not about what you do but who you are as a person. Things are going to get better, for the both of us. Keep your head up & I’ll keep mine up.

Abigail Joshlyn