Her Twenties

Earlier this year I wrote about what can happen in three months, for better or worse. I uploaded that blog post on April 18. When I woke up the next day, I found out that my grandmother had passed earlier that morning and my family was already on their way from out of town. I’m very fortunate that I had the chance to say a proper goodbye to my grandma since I stopped by the hospital on the way home the night before, unsure of what was to come.

The weekend before, I got a serving job at a tourist trap in Destin, that I was supposed to start the day that my grandmother had passed. I was already nervous about starting this job because I suck at memorizing table numbers and the little details on the menu, so you could say I was relieved to not start that day. So, we pushed my start date to the next Saturday (the 30 of April). *Yes these details are important to the story line, so bare with me* Also, somewhere during that week I also applied for a big girl job in town, because I cannot emphasize this enough…. I really did not want to serve.

So my family is in town for a week while we get the funeral arrangements taken care of. The day before my grandma’s funeral, someone from the big girl job place I applied to, asked me to come in for an interview on Wednesday. So, the day after my grandma’s funeral, exhausted from the week I had, I went into my interview and completely blacked out. I really couldn’t tell you a single word I said in there, except for the fact that I told them I was a Marvel person. That Friday I got the call that I got the job…. and then I called the tourist trap and said I couldn’t come in the next day or ever because I got a big girl job!!!!!! (not in those exact words but you get it)

I had a trip planned for the first week of August so I started on May 9; which is precisely three months ago! And *fun fact* May 8 of 2021, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, so a year and a day letter I stepped into a new role as a Church Media and Communications Director (Coordinator, Outreach, whatever you want to call it. it changes every time I say it) at my home church, Shalimar United Methodist Church.

This is what I go back to when I have doubt in my life or I’m not patient and I start to lose hope. I think back to when my best friend in middle school invited me to beach bible study in the 7th grade and I started going to youth. Where I met my life long best friends, and had the best time hang out every day during the summer and we would go to summer camp where our friendship was built on Jesus. Now, I’m on the other side of things and I can’t help but to feel so grateful for the opportunity to help grow the place that guided me through life at some pretty dark times.

I think about when I was 20 on Okaloosa Island sitting at access 3 and I posted on Instagram “I feel like being 20 and being in the season that I’m in, I’m figuring out a lot of things. Where God wants me to go, who God wants me to become, what I can do in my life/career to make Him known, where I can use my talents that God blessed me with. I’m figuring out who my friends are, who will do life with me, even in the darkest times. It’s hard, this season that I’m in is SO hard, but I’m learning and I’m growing as a person, while getting close to the One whom created me. God is consistent when everyone else is inconsistent & I’m living in that truth today”

Now here I am 24, fulfilling out that dream. And yes, it’s stressful, I’ve been tested many times, I’ve struggled a lot during these three months, I’ve worked until 2 in the morning, I’ve cried in my office (several times) with the door shut, I’ve thought that I wasn’t good enough, and that I’m a fraud and I’m not cut out for any of it. I’ve thought that I sucked at what I was doing and everyone thinks that as well. I said, “Andy Samberg” instead of “Andy Stanley” in a meeting full of pastors and thought I was going to pass out right there on the floor. When I’m giving my report at my SALARY job with BENEFITS, I’m thinking in the back of my head, I’m a kid what do I know. I mean you name it, I’ve felt it, I’ve thought it, I’ve worried about it and I’ve lived it.

But, I’ve also laughed so hard, made amazing new friends, met some congregation members who think I’m doing a fantastic job (well, at least that’s what they tell me), and I’ve stood up for myself. I have an incredible leader to follow and learn from, I work with people who believe in me when I don’t believe in myself. I have learned so much about life, people, myself, and my profession in the past three months more than I could ever imagine; and I couldn’t be happier.

Everything around me is changing and it’s hard, growing up and changing your goals that you’ve had since you were 18 and being okay with what is beyond your control. When I decided that I was going to choose to be happy where I’m at now, everything changed. I was no longer waiting for my life to “start” when I moved away or met someone, or something drastic happened. I’m building a life in the same place I grew up in and that’s okay if at 18 I wanted something completely different from that. In the end, I just want to be happy and right now, I’m happy where I’m at, what I’m doing, and who I’m doing it with.