Her Twenties

being in a relationship is weird… scratch that. me being in a relationship is weird. i’ve never had a “real” relationship before and honestly i didn’t have much faith that i would ever be in one. i gave up… and i didn’t want one. i started a new job and that was already hard for me to adjust so i was at the point of accepting my fate of being forever alone.

it’s funny because everyone says that you’ll find someone when you stop looking. i don’t think i fully agree with that…

i genuinely feel like the reason why i found the right person at the right time was because i decided to be happy where i was at, before him. i decided that i was going to live my life and be happy even if i was not where i wanted to be. i was done thinking that my life would start when i got out of fort walton beach or when i met someone. i made the choice to be happy and content with myself and what life threw at me. when that happened, skylar happened.

but let me tell you a lot has changed in my life since getting in a relationship. i’ve learned a lot about myself and have even surprised myself at times. i’ll just go ahead and say it -i’m a hypocrite. you can ask anyone, when i was single, i swore up and down that i wasn’t going to be the girl who spent all of her time with her boyfriend… the girl who wanted to invite her boyfriend everywhere, yet here i am being that girl. i convinced myself that i didn’t want kids and questioned if i ever wanted to get married – because i was afraid that the opportunity was never going to happen for me. telling myself that i didn’t even want that was a coping mechanism for being a deeply insecure girl who was afraid of rejection. i would look at couples showing too much pda and judge or be uncomfortable, now i know it’s because i didn’t understand what it was like to be in love.

i also didn’t know how a relationship could teach you so much about yourself. i’ve learned that i love and respect myself more than i thought. i learned you really do need to be happy with yourself in order to make someone else happy. i learned that i’m a very stubborn person and i hate to admit that i’m in the wrong (it was only once…….). i also learned not to compare my relationship to others because it only creates doubt and you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. i’ve learned not to let outside voices get in between the two of us. i’ve learned how to be more patient and understanding. but the greatest thing i’ve seen is how love, care, and attention can change a person.

i guess my point is being single is great and being in a relationship is great. but what’s even greater is finding happiness in the mundane and being happy with where you’re at in life.

-AJD